Mastering the Art of Asking Good Questions

My older son and I often have nerdy conversations about human interaction. He is an engineer but possesses an incredible gift of gab. His engineering brain is endlessly curious, and he has the skill to explore his curiosity by having intensely meaningful conversations with others. This past Christmas, I bought him a copy of David Brooks' How to Know a Person because the book speaks to the essence of what he and I often discuss - how to connect genuinely.

Over the years, in both my coaching and as a business leader, I have encouraged those around me to explore their curiosity. Curiosity is a true superpower. Artful use can open endless pathways to learn more about ourselves and others. Yet, many people do not understand how to use their curiosity to ask meaningful questions effectively, so they do not. They talk about themselves or stay quiet. It is essential to think about questions in the vast canvas of human interaction as the brushstrokes. They drive conversation, spark ideas, and form bridges between individuals. Think about the opposite. In a world without questions, dialogue would be monotonous, learning impossible, and the intricacies of others' thoughts would remain a mystery. Whether you're a budding professional eager to sharpen your interview skills, an entrepreneur seeking to unlock a client's potential, or a student navigating the complexities of group projects, the ability to ask good questions is an indispensable skill.

The Unseen Power of Inquiry

The path to mastery in any discipline is often paved with inquiry. Good questions open windows where previously there were only walls. They can redirect a failing project or deepen an existing connection. But what makes a question 'good'? It goes beyond mere etiquette or grammatical structure. A good question stimulates thought, encourages discussion, and inspires an insightful response. It's a catalyst for learning and a beacon that guides us to the unexplored territories of knowledge.

Open-Ended vs. Closed-Ended

The dichotomy of questions lies at the core of conversational nuance. Closed-ended queries are helpful for specifics, often eliciting a simple "yes" or "no" response. Employed skillfully, they can focus the conversation and clarify details. On the other hand, open-ended questions are exploratory tools designed to reveal nuances and complexities. They begin with 'why,' 'how,' and 'what if,' opening the floor for deeper insights and often counter-intuitive observations. In workshops, we will frequently put people in groups to see how they handle questions when listening. We ask one of the group members to jot down the first three words of the questions being asked. Invariably, those lists are riddled with "Is it," Would you," "Can I," and an array of other close-ended questions that do not provide much value to the listener. These questions do not allow them to explore and gather more information. Instead, close-ended questions create a funnel, limiting what is coming through.

Probing and Clarifying

Probing questions are those bold explorers that venture into the depths. Their mission is to uncover opinions, motivations, and the hidden aspects of a situation. They often come after a surface-level reply and can be initially uncomfortable but yield the most outstanding richness. Meanwhile, clarifying questions are the mapmakers, ensuring that the dialogue stays on course and that all parties share the same understanding of the topic. If you feel apprehensive that the person with whom you are speaking might not react well to your questions, ask permission to dig deeper. Once they provide the green light, you have been granted access.

The Ripple Effect of Inquiry

The power of good questioning is not limited to just the exchange of words. It permeates through the communication layers, creating a ripple effect that can fundamentally transform the dynamics and outcomes of discussions.

Enhancing Communication

Good questions are like mirrors, reflecting a more accurate picture of what's being communicated. When you ask someone a thoughtful question, you show that you value their opinion and are genuinely interested in their perspective. This act encourages the speaker to elaborate and forms a deeper bond, characterizing you as an empathetic and active listener.

Fostering Critical Thinking

One of the most underrated aspects of questioning is its ability to foster critical thinking. It encourages individuals to pause, reflect, and consider their responses carefully. In a group setting, good questions can steer the team towards dissecting complex issues or challenging conventional wisdom, fostering an environment ripe for innovation.

Building Relationships

In social settings, questions are the building blocks of relationships. They pave the way for understanding, empathy, and connection. When you ask someone about their experiences or perspectives, you create a platform for shared experiences and memories. In professional relationships, good questions can reveal opportunities for collaboration or lead to the discovery of common goals.

Crafting the Perfect Question

The essence of asking good questions lies not just in the question itself but in how it is presented. Framing a question requires finesse, an understanding of context, and an appreciation of the inquiry's significance for the current situation. When presenting information and opening up the session to questions, instead of asking, "Are there any questions?" which will only elicit a binary response of yes or, more likely, no, try asking, "What questions do you have?" This open-ended approach creates an invitation to the audience.

Active Listening

How you listen to the response is equally important as asking the right question. Active listening is the bedrock on which good questions are built. It involves full engagement with the speaker, picking up on verbal and non-verbal cues to inform your next question. By really listening, without distraction, you'll not only come up with more relevant questions but will also be poised to tailor your queries to the individual concerns and interests within the conversation.

Framing Questions Effectively

A well-crafted question can guide the conversation in a particular direction. It's framed in a way that is neither leading nor directive but clear and purposeful. The language should be easy to understand, non-threatening, and capable of evoking introspection. Effective questioning doesn't come across as an interrogation but as a collaborative exploration.

Encouraging Dialogue

Questions should be seen as the start of a conversation rather than merely exchanging information. When you pose a question, it should invite the other parties to join the exploration. This often involves asking for their opinions or stories related to the topic, creating a shared space where all can contribute.

The Ubiquity of Inquiry

The ability to ask good questions is essential across a vast spectrum of human endeavors. It's a skill that can be your ally in the boardroom as readily as possible by the water cooler. From networking to problem-solving, good questioning is a versatile tool that adapts to the task.

Professional Networking

Good questions can be the differentiator in professional networking between a superficial exchange and a meaningful connection. My son, as he was negotiating his exit from undergrad to entering the workforce, became a master networker. When I asked him about his preparation strategy, he shared that he had a few questions handy, but generally, the conversation flowed easily because he let his curiosity guide him. He learned quickly that there's an art to finding common ground and asking questions, demonstrating genuine interest in the other person's work or challenges. His strategy proved fruitful as he landed multiple job offers and, in his early 20s, has an impressive professional network.

Problem-Solving

When facing a complex problem, your questions often reveal as much about the solution as the answers do. Good questions can help deconstruct the problem, examine it from different angles, and uncover assumptions inhibiting progress. They can also guide the process towards concrete actions and next steps.

Decision-Making

The quality of the questions asked during the decision-making process can determine the quality of the decision itself. Whether it's about weighing options, understanding the potential impact, or considering ethical implications, well-thought-out questions can lead to a more comprehensive decision-making process.

Key Takeaway

It is important to remember that questioning is more than just polite discourse; it's a fundamental aspect of human interaction that polishes our understanding of the world and our place within it. By mastering the art of asking good questions, we carve a path to enriched communication, robust problem-solving, and deepening our interpersonal connections. It is an indispensable skill that distinguishes the curious mind and cultivates a culture of intellectual exploration and growth.