Speak Up: How I Overcame My Public Speaking Phobia

Every time I lead a workshop or begin a coaching engagement centered around speaking skills, I share my story. Once upon a time, even the thought of having to speak in public - speaking up in a meeting, calling clients on the phone, or giving a presentation in front of a large group - sent shivers down my spine and created knots in my stomach. Nearly 15 years into my career, I had given up the idea of ever being able to be comfortable speaking up. Sound familiar? You are not alone. Spoiler: it got much better for me!

Why are we Afraid?

The comedian Jerry Seinfeld's joke summed up the fear of public speaking best. He noted that public speaking is the number one fear, followed closely by death. Very simply, at a funeral, people would rather be the one in the casket than the one giving the eulogy. I have always been fascinated by this notion. It seems like we go from being free-spirited little kids who will sing and dance and say anything that comes to their mind to anyone who will listen to a collective of reluctant communicators. Why does this happen?

Conventional wisdom suggests that our propensity for shame develops as we approach adolescence. Even though we understand social norms as early as age 3 or 4, it is not until we approach our teens that we feel shame. Shame is the uncomfortable sensation we feel in the pit of our stomach when it seems we have no safe haven from the judging gaze of others. We feel small and bad about ourselves and wish we could vanish. Guess what? Having to speak in front of a group of people who might mock us or think we are not smart is an excellent trigger for shame. However, the truth is that that horrible idea we have in our heads of falling on our faces in a blaze of foolishness rarely, if ever, comes to fruition.

How It Changed for Me

In my early 30s, I was pregnant with my first child and had to present to my company's sales team. Not only was I a human incubator capable of sweating at any moment, I was very uncomfortable presenting to this group. So, there I was, clicking through my PowerPoint slides, and all I could think about was that I was the giant pregnant lady who didn't know what she was talking about. Everyone, for sure, was quietly taking note of how incapable and incoherent I was. Not surprisingly, no one remarked about the sweat or how fast I was talking. Most of the people gave me positive feedback. Were they being kind? Had I a warped perspective on myself? Probably a little of both. That moment, still crystal clear in my head decades later, was the catalyst for me. I realized that my phobia of public speaking was hindering my personal and professional progression. This acknowledgment became the stepping stone to confront and eventually overcome my speaking anxiety. By accepting the existence of this fear, I could focus my energy on strategies and steps to address it. Identifying this barrier opened the path for me to improve my presentation skills and overall communication.

This critical and empowering first step in my journey to overcome my fear of public speaking was difficult, but it led me to a life-changing journey. Once I had accepted and acknowledged my fear, the next step was to dive into learning about what makes a good presentation. I was hungry for knowledge and fortunate enough to have a coach. Not everyone has access to coaches, so it is important to note that you can immerse yourself in various resources - enrolling in classes, devouring books, and binge-watching instructional videos on public speaking. Ultimately, you have to do it. Learning the theories of communication is great knowledge, but doing it is where the magic happens.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The most important lesson on my journey was that public speaking goes beyond merely delivering facts or information. It involves forming a bond with your audience, skillfully managing your tone and body language, and efficiently structuring your thoughts for clarity. The real essence of public speaking is about communication - clear, confident, and compelling communication. This understanding was transformative, building my confidence brick by brick and bolstering my conviction that I, too, could become an effective public speaker. As I expanded my understanding of presentation skills, I slowly but surely began to see my fear of public speaking as a challenge to be conquered rather than an insurmountable obstacle. Transitioning from knowledge to application, I began to practice my newfound public speaking skills. I looked for every opportunity to speak but started in safer spaces. First, I found comfort within the boundaries of my home, speaking in front of a small audience of understanding friends and family members. I could practice all the skills, not just with formal presentations but with my day-to-day interactions with my husband and kids. Then I used it with friends. Then, I sought out opportunities to speak in my community. When I finally felt like I was building some muscle memory with the skills, I gradually extended my practice sessions beyond my comfort zone. I started to present in front of colleagues and acquaintances, further broadening my experience and skill set. Each new audience brought different dynamics and challenges, pushing me to adapt and grow.

The power of consistent practice in such secure environments cannot be overstated. It served as a crucial element in my journey, minimizing my speaking anxiety and slowly transforming it into comfort and confidence. Whether it was a toast at a family gathering or a presentation at a local community meeting, every opportunity became a platform to practice and enhance my public speaking skills.

Using Visualization and Mindfulness

I am a big fan of meditation and mindfulness and believe they play a huge role in being a powerful speaker. I enhanced my mental preparedness once I got comfortable with my skills. I began employing visualization techniques, picturing myself on stage, and delivering compelling speeches with aplomb. This mental rehearsal played a key role in making the unfamiliar familiar. Imagining successful outcomes helped to instill a sense of confidence and positivity in my public speaking abilities.

Alongside visualization, I also began a ritual of getting present before I had to speak. I realized that I would be most effective during my presentation if I could be aware of what I was doing and how I was doing it. This would allow me to correct the course and be attuned to my audience.

What's interesting is how these two techniques - visualization and mindfulness - started working together, complementing each other. The more I visualized myself being successful, the easier it was for me to be present, and the more present I was, the clearer and more real my visualizations got. I discovered that training the mind was as critical as training the voice.

Turning Nervousness into Excitement

As I began to master the art of public speaking, I realized something crucial - those butterflies in my stomach before a speech weren't disappearing. But was this a sign of enduring fear? Not necessarily. I came to understand that it's completely natural to experience a twinge of nervousness before a presentation. The key was in how I chose to interpret these feelings. Instead of labeling them as symptoms of anxiety or fear, I decided to view them as excitement.

This perspective shift was a game-changer for me. Suddenly, those pre-presentation jitters were no longer dread-inducing; instead, they became a kind of pre-game adrenaline rush, charging me up for the performance ahead. Rather than impairing my presentation, this excitement fueled my passion and enthusiasm, giving my words added vivacity and impact.

Just as an athlete feels a surge of energy before a big race, I started to see anticipatory nervousness as a positive force that could enhance my public speaking. After all, this nervousness meant that I cared about delivering a great presentation. It wasn't a fear to be overcome but an energy to be harnessed.

The key takeaway here is simple. Nervousness before public speaking is not a signal of impending doom. Instead, it's a natural response that can be reinterpreted and utilized as a source of motivation and passion. So the next time you feel those pre-speech jitters, don't panic. Embrace them as a sign of excitement and let them propel you to a more vibrant and energetic performance. This shift in perspective can be a transformative step in your journey to mastering public speaking.

Embracing Imperfections and Learning from Mistakes

During my journey toward effective public speaking, I learned a valuable lesson: perfection is not the goal; growth is. Public speaking is an art honed over time, with each presentation as a learning opportunity. As with any journey, there were a few bumps along the way. There were instances when I stumbled on my words or momentarily lost my train of thought. However, I learned to view these situations not as shortcomings but as stepping stones to improvement. Each mistake was a lesson in disguise, pushing me to evolve and refine my presentation skills. Instead of letting a flubbed sentence or a forgotten point throw me off, I would pause, gather my thoughts, and continue with grace and composure. This mindset shift was instrumental in enhancing my confidence and resilience on stage. These moments of imperfection were not failures but integral parts of my journey, each teaching me a valuable lesson in public speaking. Today, I embrace my imperfections and continuously learn from my mistakes, knowing that they are molding me into a more effective and confident public speaker. Remember, it's not about getting everything right; it's about learning, growing, and becoming better with each passing presentation. So, don't fear mistakes; embrace them as opportunities for learning and growth.

The Moral of the Story: Make it Your Passion

As you know, I am now a successful coach and communication skills trainer. Of course, not everyone who develops their communication skills will go on to help others. However, if you make speaking your passion, you never know what doors will open for you. As a lifelong introvert and someone who would rather sit at home and read a book than go to a party, I look forward to every opportunity I have to speak in front of others, coach others, and help others unlock their potential. The reason is simple: I am passionate about communication. I could have just as easily become a corporate executive in my chosen profession and used my skills to be a great leader, mentor, and subject matter expert. For me, sharing my experience with others and helping them was the right path. Yours may be different, but in either case, finding your passion for communication is the way forward to letting go of those fears, releasing the thoughts of shame, and letting your voice be heard!

I’d love to hear your stories! The more we hear from others, the more we realize we are not alone. Let's support each other as we conquer our fears and unleash our inner power. Join the conversation by emailing me at tammy@presentr.me or connecting with me on LinkedIn. Together, let's turn our fears into triumphs and step boldly into the spotlight.